I miss you Dad

It's been around 8 months now, it hasn't gotten any easier, the pain, sadness and anger is still there. But we find a way to adjust. Today would have been my Dad's 74th birthday. I don't know how the day will go, but I do know that my Dad's memory will be with me. Since that time that my Dad passed away, I have had only a handful of times that he has visited me in my dreams.
But I see and feel my Dad around me more often than not. There are times that I see him in the way my kids act, the way I act and I remember good times that make us laugh out loud when out doing everyday activities.

Since I returned to work after my Dad's passing, I carry his Firefighter ID badge, alongside my work badge, so he can be close. I still miss our quick phone calls and I miss hearing him say "Si, todo bien" whenever I asked him how he was doing.

When going through a loss like this, it opens up your eyes to things and makes you see that a lot of things are not worth the energy spent on them. I really try hard to not let a lot of things get to me and to stay with me so I can free myself from negative energy. I try to understand things more and try to see things from other angles. It's a process for sure. But we'll get there.

Some days it's harder than others, but I know my Dad is with us. As long as I remember him, he will never truly be gone. He helped shape me and was a great man. He did his absolute best as a father, sacrificed and worked hard for us. I am truly thankful, I can never repay that to him, I try to pass it on to Javi and Gabriel. 

One of the things that I always wanted to do was to name one of my kids after him. Although Javi's name is not exactly as my Dads. They share the first initial (J), middle (Heliodoro) and last name (Narvaez) it was for him, it was to show him that I really appreciated all he did for me, for us and that his sacrifices were noticed. He was amazing and I miss and love him every day. 

Thursday

Morning:

Gabriel had a bad night again. He is still sick. I got up, go dressed and headed to work. Work was fine, I had a conference call, then I had to not do that and get pulled to a meeting. 

Afternoon:

Had lunch and napped hard. Got up and went to a meeting regarding the training. We got sent home early, that was cool. Got home and washed dishes and went out to pick up dinner.

Nighttime:

Had dinner and got the kids ready for bed. I put Gabriel to bed, but then he threw up again. After some time helped Javi with his creams, I showered and went to watch tv. After some time, went to bed.

middle of the week

Morning:

Got up, so so so tired. Anyway, made Gabriel a bottle, went to go get ready and headed out to work. There was a bit of traffic. I got in at 7:40. Checked emails and now just waiting to go to the combined forum at 170 Otis.

So I get to the place and meet up with Amilcar and we sit together. We went through the meeting and I was pulled to go help bring the food in. After the meeting we ate pot luck style. They wanted me to wait for one of the big wigs, but I was like, um no thank you.

Afternoon:

Went to my desk, napped and watched some Married with Children. At 2 we met to go over the training materials and there was a lot missing from them. Hopefully they can update it and it will be ready for us. After I came home to take out the trash and clean up before going to get Gabriel. 

Nighttime:

We went to Target to get some items and also to get the canned food donations for Javi's school. We went to pick up Gabriel and came home. We had dinner and i put Gabriel to bed,  he did wake up and threw up. But I caught most of it and cleaned it quick. About to shower. Gabriel threw up again and now my wife is trying to get him back to sleep. About to go in there

Tuesday

Morning:
Got up, made Gabriel a bottle and went to get dressed, put clothes to dry, made coffee and headed out to work. There was some traffic, but not too much. I got up and checked my email and spent the time getting ready for the meeting. We had the meeting regarding the E2E RRR process for 1235. We went over the material and decided on dates and training teams. We are getting some OT to get this done since there is not a lot of time left for us to get this done. I think one of the girls is going to call out sick on Monday so we will all have to be ready.

Afternoon:
Had lunch and watched some Married with Children. Called AAA to confirm the offer of a free car seat rental for our car rental next week. Have to go home to fold laundry and see what happens next. Also need to go get some cash out.

Nighttime:

Got home, folded clothes. Went to pick up some pizza and came home to have dinner. Tried putting Gabriel to bed, took a bit, Javi came in and I took off, went to shower. Watched a bit of tv with my wife and she went to bed, now finishing up watching my shows before bed.

monday

Morning:

Got up, got dressed,  made my coffee, heated up some water for my wife to make hers. I packed up Gabriel's gift and headed out. There was a little bit of traffic but not a lot. Got in and checked emails, there is a new update to the training we will be doing next week. My supervisor said they want us to do a power point, I don't agree. Anyway, going to cook the books and read up on the End 2 end RRR process. 

Been reading this long document and it's straight forward, can be taught just by having the room read it.

Afternoon:

Had lunch, watched some Married with Children and now hanging out. Running out the clock. Tired, I may get a coffee or just wait it out. Drank lots of water so far, I have been peeing a lot. After here I have to go pickup Gabriel's Christmas gift and get the boys.

Got home, washed dishes and we headed out to get night diapers and Gabriel's gift. After we went to get them at my sister's. 

Nighttime:

We picked up some Chinese food and came home to eat dinner. I started laundry and cleaned up a bit. Showered, put Gabriel to bed and now watching RAW. After wrestling I watched some other things and went to bed.

another big game

Morning:

Got up, made breakfast for the boys, cleaned the bathroom and waited for kick off. It's another big game for the Niners. They take on the Saints. It was a great back and forth game. Very intense. At half time, I changed the boys, put Javi's creams on and started to chop some items for my wife so she can make lunch.

Afternoon:

Lunch was good, the game went down to the wire. I played Uno with Javi during the game, the Niners won with a walk off field goal. They are now 11-2. After I put Gabriel down for a nap. When he woke up, he went to the living room and fell asleep again. I woke him up and we played. Around 6:30 I took the boys with me to go grab dinner, happy meals for them, chalupas for us. 

Nighttime:

Dinner was good, I bathed the boys and now trying to get Gabriel to bed. Holy heck that did not go well. He did not want to sleep. Javi came in the room to go to bed, I had enough,  I left them to try and sleep. Now watching tv before bed. Work tomorrow.

Saturday

Morning:

Got up, got things out of the car and made coffee. Made Gabriel some eggs and changed his diaper. Watching Fuller House. 

We took a break from watching  the show and cleaned up. The house is still cluttered so it doesn't look like we did much. But anyway we go on.

Afternoon:

Got ready and took a nap. Around 5:20 we left to.go pick up my mom and aunt Myriam to meet my sister for my Mom's early birthday dinner.

We went to the Geneva steakhouse and the food was good. After we dropped them off at home and went to Target. 

Nighttime:

Got our things and headed home. Been drinking some Jack and Coke. Took Andrew shots in my Dad's memory. His Birthday is on Friday, so, yeah this week may be heavy. Anyway, putting the kids to bed now. 

Went out and finished Fuller house. Gabriel walked out and eventually went to sleep. Played Madden and now if to bed