It's been a few days since I decided to start a new series. I still haven't been able to think of anything to write about. I have started and stopped several time. When I think I have a good topic, I start and then think, why would anyone care about this? It's frustrating for sure. I want to get something out there, I want to write something down. But I just can't, not sure why.
Thinking about it more it might stem from a lack of confidence in myself, doubting if what I have to say is worth it, wondering if my writing will be good. I'm scared of not being enough. Some might find it odd that I feel this way because when I coach kids or talk to others I'm almost always trying to build confidence and coach them to be confident, but at times I don't feel that way myself.
We all play different roles in life and we all try our best to be who we think we can be, or who we think people need us to be. I often tell people that wrestling is really why I am the way I am. What I mean by that is that wrestling has taught me that they are characters that come to life when the light turns on. So in my work and coaching activities I become that character that is me, where I really want to be on a confidence level, but when that light turns off, I'm back to taking a back seat and I am happy with that.
I never have liked to be the center of attention. Although a lot of people will tell you otherwise. I think the main reason is that when things go wrong, I step up to lead or help with what ever needs to be done. I don't really like doing that, but it's something that just happens and I'm ok with that. I think that one of the big reasons that I think that way is my job.
Where I work, it's not for the weak. If you are looking for genuine recognition for anything, my job is not the place for you. However, they pay well and I do my job very well. I have been here for over 13 years and there has not been any real appreciation for what I do from management and some other higher positions. I do feel appreciated by the people I assists, be it the clients I used to help or from the people that I help train. I have built a few good friendships here and that does help with the lack of appreciation from others. When we train, I do for others what I wish was done for me, I thank them for all they do, remind them that we wouldn't be here without them and that they are doing the best they can and they are awesome. Some believe me, some don't. I say it because I mean it, I really do and that's all I have to say about that.
Well, I guess I got something down here, not sure if it makes sense or if it's just ramblings of an insecure man. Either way, I'm sure it will get better, I hope you enjoyed what I wrote.
Thank you for joining me here today... See you next time
