Home

Morning:

Woke up and changed. Took the boys to school and came home. Made breakfast and logged in to work. Put some clothes to wash while I reviewed materials for tomorrow. Attended a DHCS call. Got ready to pick up lunch 

(Morning: water. Coffee. Oatmeal)

Afternoon:

Picked up pizza and came back to have lunch. Picked up the boys and came back to finish work. Took a nap after. 

(Afternoon: pizza, water)

Nighttime:

Played a card game with Gabriel. Took a shower,  watching tv and going to bed soon. Last day of training for the year for me tomorrow. 

(Nighttime: water)

Christmas program

Morning:

Woke up and went to change. Grabbed my things and headed out to work. Got to the city and walked over to 1440. We did the training and it went well in the morning. 

(Morning: water. Coffee. Celsius, Madeline)

Afternoon:

Had lunch and chilled. Finished the training.  Came home, on the way kept people from fighting on the bus. Caught the train home and tossed out garbage and compost.

(Afternoon: Sandwich, tacos, coke. Water)

Nighttime:

Went to the boys Christmas program. They did great. Came home to shower,  now watching Welcome to Derry 

(Nighttime: Tacos, water, Celsius)

Entry 14.... Heavy

 I am not doing well. There are a lot of things going on and I keep it inside because I really have no one to talk to that will not pass judgement. It's like, I am there for people if they need to talk and I listen, if they ask for advice, I give it or just sit there and let them vent. If it helps someone I'm willing to do it. I don't really feel that I have that support. When I start talking about things the people who I'm talking to start making it about themselves or start making comments that are not needed. Like I'm trying to talk it out and get it off my chest and no, I get stopped and it's frustrating and draining.

There are things that are happening with my family that I haven't shared with anyone because I understand that everyone has their own stuff going on and when I bring things up, a change of subject happens. The things that are happening are really tough and very heavy, they are very scary and sad. It stresses me out but I continue to show up where I'm needed because people need me, but so far no one is showing up for me.

I've mentioned this before, financially I am not doing well, I am not good with money, I try and try so hard to save and to be able to contribute, but life happens. I am thankful that my wife is much better financially than I am, but even with that it's stressful because I say that I can't do things and she assumes that I don't want to spend money, but it's not. I wish that money wasn't an issue, I would love to pay for anything and everything. I don't like to feel like a complete failure with money, I have put myself in this situation by not being much more forceful and saying no. I think I have gotten better with it and I'm really trying and I will continue to try to get out of this situation.

This all weighs heavy on me, it keeps me up at night, it makes me feel like less of a person and the way people react and comment it confirms to me that people view me as a loser. That hurts, I'm just trying to do what I can to provide and keep up. Hopefully things will get better for me, I'll try for sure to get out of it. It's all I can do. I'm sure that there will be a blow up soon and it will get heavier. 

Anyway, until next time

try out

Morning:

Woke up and took a shower. Changed and made some pancakes for the boys. Had breakfast a d we took off to castro valley for a try out event for Gabriel's travel ball team.

He did good, after i dropped him off to change, I went to the little league field and picked up some equipment that was going to be donated. Picked up the boys and headed to my sister's. 

(Morning: water, coffee, pancakes)

Afternoon:

Threw some trash out picked up my sister. Went to drop off the items at my nephews storage unit. We drove back to my sister's and watched the Niners game. They won and after we came home.

(Afternoon: water, waterloo, grilled cheese sandwich)

Nighttime:

Came home, dropped off some items. Went to Target and came home. Had dinner and showered. Got some items ready for tomorrow. Watchung a movie before bed.

(Nighttime: chilli dogs, chips, water, coke)

Birthday and last time (12/13/25)

Morning:

Woke up, showered. Got Gabriel ready for his game. We went to the gym and his team won. When we got home I cleaned up the leaves from the yard and side of the house.

(Morning: water, coffee)

Afternoon:

Took a nap and did laundry. Drove to San Jose for Christmas in the park. 

(Afternoon: ravioli, peanut butter sandwich, water)

Nighttime:

Came back home, watched John Cena's last match. Had a drink in honor of my Dad's birthday and now going to bed.

(Nighttime: rum and coke, tortilla and egg. Water)

stressed out and no one knows it

Morning:

Woke up and changed. Took the boys to school. Picked up Starbucks and came home. Logged in to work and had a few chats and got some items ready for next week.

(Morning: Caramel Brule latte, water)

Afternoon:

Went to Target and Pacific Island market to grab some items. Came home and had lunch, picked up the boys. Had a meeting before ending work. After I played catch with Gabriel. 

(Afternoon: water. Coke, sushi bake, pork)

Nighttime:

Picked up Javi at his friends house. They were doing a project. Went to Southland Mall and shopped a bit. Came home and had dinner. Opened up some baseball cards. I got a Ken Griffey Jr card with some other cool ones. Watching tv until bed.

I'm not doing well this holiday season and actually all year, I am very bad with money. I try and try to save and pay things off but something always comes up. But I'll continue to try.

(Nighttime: popcorn,  sushi bake, waterloo, pastry. Beer)

Training begings

Morning:

Woke up.and changed. Grabbed my things and headed over to BART. Caught the train to the city, walked over to 1440 to set up for training. Did the training and it was good.

(Morning: water. Coffee,  Celsius)

Afternoon:

Had lunch and chilled. Finished training and headed to BART. Caught the train home. Ordered some pics from Walgreens and picked them up.

(Afternoon: Chicken sandwich,  water, waterloo, chocolate)

Nighttime:

Had dinner, played games and now watching tv

(Nighttime: water. Cranberry and vodka, Popeyes, popcorn)